Trust

In this past month, God has really taught me how to trust. And this transformation all began with snow retreat.

I know that it is kind of late to be writing a snow retreat note (snow retreat occurred from Feb. 13-16) but it feels like the lessons and the transformation of snow retreat were never really cemented in me until now. So allow me to begin with snow retreat…

I guess one thing I regret about snow retreat is being involved in so many factions of planning and activities. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a joy for me to serve God. But then again, is it really beneficial to God if I serve a lot but fall in my own spiritual walk? And thats kinda what happened to me. During snow retreat, I never really had the chance to slow down, to meditate on God’s word, or to have deep intimate fellowship with my friends. Yet God still worked in me. The night before the gargantuan 2 hour worship set was when God really made his presence known to me. It was partly the lyrics of the music, partly the prayers of the people around me that I really broke down that night with feelings of joy and sadness intermingled into one long cry. I realized that throughout my life, during all my worries, during all my pain, during all my laughs, during all my achievements, God was there watching over me and my friends. I saw God work in my friends, people that I had been praying for, people that were just as broken as I was, and I knew that God was there. In the midst of trails, it is hard to see God at work. But He is there. He is there.

The next night I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of worry. I know that people refer to the last night’s worship set as “traditionally powerful.” But has it really been a tradition? If you think about it, it has only been powerful in the last two years (not including snow retreat 2010). And let us not forget why it was so powerful: because of all our prayers. Without our prayers, people may have walked away from that night unfazed, lives unchanged. It wasn’t the hours of practice, the hard work that went into planning the set, or even our musicality that made that night special. It was prayer. In reality all we can do is pray continuously and trust God with everything else.  And in the end, because of our prayers, my worries were cast away and replaced with an overwhelming sense of awe at what God can do. 

But the thing about the human mind is that it is forgetful. As I walked away from that retreat, the problems of life once again came back into focus and pushed away my trust in God. And it seemed after snow retreat, the problems and worries just kept piling on. My performance at school became worse and worse, my optimism for college acceptance began to crumble, and it seemed that people never failed to judge and condemn based on what they see. During these worries, I prayed to God, expecting everything to be immediately put back into place. But that is not how God works. 

But now, as I finally pack up my snow retreat luggage I can’t help but see that all my prayers have been answered. God has been truly good to me. And although there are still worries in my life, although the human mind is still a fickle thing, I aspire not to forget the lesson that snow retreat began in me. I won’t forget that God is always there, and that He does indeed answer prayers. 

(If you really really want to know about my problems and how my prayers have been answered, talk to me.)

@2 years ago